ANNA WAS SICK…

Before my fingers even touch the keys tears are filling my eyes. February 24th 2006, Stephanie and I received the worst news. We were sat down by our Doctor and told, “your daughter has cancer”. I will never forget how those words hit my heart like a razor sharp arrow.  The doctor left and I immediately put my arm around Stephanie and I prayed with our four month old daughter in our arms. I’ll never forget the prayer I prayed that day. I said, “God, I don’t understand but we trust you and we need you”. This is how the greatest test of our life began. Surgery, Chemotherapy and more doctors visits than I can even remember and we’re on the other side. That journey is part of our story. It’s become a part of who we are. Not in an ugly jaded way. The Bible says that God can give us beauty for ashes…. and that’s what I want to share with you here. I learned a lot about myself, others, God and life through the journey. Things I hope I’ll never forget.
I learned that Stephanie and I are stronger than I thought. I learned that I am a deeply emotional being. I lived so many years without realizing how deeply God created me to feel. I felt such deep grief. Grief so deep it literally caused pain. You wouldn’t think it but I learned about joy as well. With every positive prognosis joy filled my soul in a way I’d never known. I learned that even warriors cry. I’ve become so much more in touch with my emotions through the journey and I’m thankful for it…. I could go on and on but for the sake of brevity I’ll stop there.
I learned about others. I learned that friendship and community in crisis is not optional its required. I can remember within hours of finding out that our little Anna had cancer, the entire pediatric Oncology unit of Syracuse University was filled with family and friends. They where there. That was the most important thing, and the thing I’ll always remember. They were just there silently supporting and loving in our toughest hour. They continued to be there through the months when the pain of it all hit again and we needed someone to cry with. Stephanie and I are so thankful for our friends.
I learned that God is more mysterious than I knew. I subconsciously thought that good things happened to good people and bad things happen to bad people… Karma really. In our youth we want to know what we know, but as I get older I realize that life has many more question marks than exclamation marks. There’s so much mystery. It’s what we do with the unanswered questions that in a large way defines our faith journey. I still don’t understand a lot about what happened with Anna, but I know God is real. Why? Well there’s lots of reasons, but here’s one that I’ll carry as long as I live: I felt his peace come upon me February 25th in the middle of the night as I held my sick little girls in my arms as I prayed . Peace isn’t a normal human response in a moment like that but that’s exactly what invaded me in the moment I needed it the most. Life is long and sometimes painful but God is faithful even when we don’t understand.
I learned that life is frightfully fragile. I realized in a moment that for all that I do to protect, preserve and prolong my life, tomorrow it isn’t promised to me. That reality challenges me to live well today. All this made me fearless towards death but focused on the reality that all men die but some never truly live… I want to truly live. I not only wanna truly live but want to lead as many other people as I can to do the same.
OH, hows Anna? She’s doing amazing. She is the most amazing, beautiful, complicated, brilliant little girl and we thank God for her and Niko every day. I was inspired to write after Anna got the all clear and healthy for Anna’s Doctor.
-If you are a Cancer survivor I would love and be honored to hear your story. Please leave me a comment.

3 Comments

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI